elanorpam:
It’s on December 30, a date which, historically, has not been particularly kind to me. There’s just something about being born in the vicinity of two major holidays that lowers your placement on the priority list until it falls out the bottom.
I’ve had almost as many birthday disappointments as I have memories of birthdays at all, so nowadays, even when I get something, I just feel kind of bitter about it– like a part of me still runs the numbers against the memory of lying down forgotten on a shitty mat in a room with an active boombox for somebody else’s ongoing drunk-out party, and finds it still comes up too far short.
There’s nothing anyone can do. Those numbers will always come short. That feeling of being worthless and ignored by the adults in my life are too strongly associated with the time of the year. I thought about making a wishlist and then I started crying about it because I’d rather receive gifts in any other time of the year but that. But also, I kinda hate the thought of just… doing nothing for the day. Doing nothing is what everyone else in my family did, it’s what’s making me cry to begin with. I want to feel appreciated! I want to fucking matter!
So… for the people who’d normally buy something from a wishlist for me, would you consider instead buying something from me, for yourself?
I set it up half a year ago but haven’t sold a single thing yet, so I’m basically just… paying those listings for nothing. So I decided to close it, and then I felt absolutely miserable about that. I’m just tired of doing things in vain. Pretty much everything that’s up there is college-era work, but a big part of it still ranks high in my esteem, over 10 years later– my lithographs most of all. I’d be absolutely thrilled to know they were hanging on walls that aren’t just those in my house.
And for those who wish to help but can’t afford to buy any of that (or who can only afford the 10 dollar ones and those are really not that good and I only listed them because I felt sorry about throwing babby’s first watercolor away but I don’t blame you fam), I also have a Patreon– just stick around for the one month if you’re short on cash. Any single dollar will be good, thanks to the magic of conversion. (Also the reason why I can’t link to a donation form. My country is weird about paypal donations.) I also have a Teepublic, albeit with little merch. (Preparing stuff for it is kind of overwhelming.)
Any help in salvaging this year’s birthday will be immensely appreciated!
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