cincosechzehn:

probablybadrpgideas:

But the DM has a soundboard that contains the laughs, cheers and boos of a sitcom’s live studio audience

op change your url

yourplayersaidwhat:

DM: “What else could I have said? It’s a giant rat.”
Me: (to the tune of that moana song) “What can I sayyyy except it’sAGiantRat”

yourplayersaidwhat:

Our party is fighting a band of bugbears with morningstars. I’m playing a sorc who is *this* close to dying.

DM: the bugbear comes up to… here! (Right in front of my sorc.) How do you feel about morningstars?

Me, an idiot: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh stars don’t appear in the morning so I don’t know.

(The bugbear knocks me unconscious.)

Another player: Hey wait a minute, what do you think the sun is?

yourplayersaidwhat:

DM: So the drink you got is very exotic, it is a bright red color and has a small fruit in it that’s also red. The fruit has a stem of green on the top of it still and the whole drink smells very alcoholic.
Barbarian(ooc): ….So it’s a strawberry?
DM: What?
Barbarian(ooc): you just described a strawberry.
DM: …..Yeah your right I did. Okay it’s a strawberry.

yourplayersaidwhat:

Rogue: “Can I ruffle the girls hair?”

DM: “Roll sleight of hand”

Sorcerer: “If you get a nat1 you punch her in the face.”

Rogue: *Gets nat1*

kelgrid:

prokopetz:

Alternative to the tired old wizard-with-a-sugar-daddy interpretation of the patron/warlock relationship in Dungeons & Dragons:

• Clueless boss and long-suffering employee, whose powers are basically the magical equivalent of pilfering office supplies for personal use
• Scheming master and duplicitous apprentice who are totally open about their loathing for each other and are keen to see who betrays whom first
• Bureaucratic devil and soul-peddling diabolist with a contract a mile long, each honestly believing they’re getting the better of the other
• Glowering quartermaster and loose-cannon operative, whose record for getting results just barely justifies the expense of employing them
• Indifferent parent who pays their estranged offspring’s allowance like clockwork but otherwise prefers to deal with them as little as possible
• Vast, slumbering god-monster and amoral parabiologist who knows which spots to poke with a stick to provoke particular autonomic responses

You forgot the most important

dulynotedart:

moredungeonsforyourdragons:

Hello. So one of my biggest complaints of the D&D 5e Player’s Handbook is that searching for spells is a bit of a pain. Even if you manage to obtain a pdf file of it, many of the spells’ titles are written l i k e th i s, making it quite difficult to search with the classic ctr-F. 

Because of this, I created a pdf of all of the spells that are in the book, complete with a table of contents linked to them, so you can search the table of contents for your spell, and then zip to the spell you need. Very useful, if I’m allowed to say.

Behold. It is on dropbox, though you can view it (without the magical zipping) without a dropbox account.

Happy D&D playing!

ALL OF MY THANKS THIS IS A HUGE HELP

yourplayersaidwhat:

I roll a Nat1 while attempting to shoot at a mass of rats.

DM: “You reach into your quiver to pull out an arrow, but pull out a rat instead, and are too busy freaking out to fire your bow.”

Me: “I’d like to roll to… shriek girlishly? And throw the rat at the rest of the rats.”

DM: “I’m just gonna let you do that. The rat pile gains one health.”